Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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