I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
