She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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