i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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