I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
