it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
