I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
