nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
