im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Acid is not a monday night drug
nutella sex= disaster
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
