quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
