I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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