we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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