i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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