My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
