i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
