my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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