i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
