im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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