I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
