Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize