True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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