they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
