Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
