I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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