anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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