Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
