She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
