Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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