nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
