A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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