ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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