did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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