The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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