Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
