I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
