i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
