He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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