That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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