Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
