does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want her autograph on my taint
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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