Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
