Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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