Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize