Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
