As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
