The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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