ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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