i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
