I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
