you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
