so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize