I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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