I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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