Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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