I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
