I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
