I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
