marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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