so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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