if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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