I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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