If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
