It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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