We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
