It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
