Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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