God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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