The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
do nipples grow back?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
