Pappa wants mamma naked
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
