did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
