I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
