remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
