i permit you to call me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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