whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
