Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need a beard to bite.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
