my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
