ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
