I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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