i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
