I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
