I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
