Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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