Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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